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Insights

Focus on what you can control

Sophie Pettigrew, January 2026

A woman sitting on the sand looking out to sea

One of the most common things I hear from clients is some version of this: my spouse is being impossible. Unreasonable. Dishonest. Deliberately difficult. And they want to know what I am going to do about it.

The honest answer is: sometimes quite a lot, and sometimes not as much as either of us would like.

The legal system can address certain behaviours. It can enforce obligations, compel disclosure, impose consequences. But it cannot make someone behave well. It cannot make them communicate honestly, or put their children first, or stop using the process as a vehicle for their own unresolved feelings about the relationship.

This is one of the hardest truths of separation. You cannot control what the other person does. You can only control what you do.

I know that sounds simple. In the middle of a difficult separation it does not feel simple at all. But I have watched it make a real difference to outcomes, both legal and personal.

When clients focus on their own choices, how they communicate, how they respond and how they show up for their children, two things happen. First, they feel better. Not immediately, but gradually. There is something stabilising about deciding what kind of person you want to be through this, regardless of what the other person is doing. Second, it almost always leads to better legal outcomes. Calm, considered people make better decisions. They are harder to provoke. They present better in negotiations and in court.

Calm strength is not passivity. It is not accepting things that should not be accepted. It is choosing not to let someone else’s behaviour determine yours.

If your co-parent is being difficult, take care of yourself. Sleep. Exercise. See a therapist if you can. Lean on good people. Come to your legal meetings rested and clear-headed.

You cannot control what they do. But you can choose how you move through this. That choice matters more than most people realise.

Sophie Pettigrew

Sophie Pettigrew

Legal Practice Director, Florens Family Law

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This article is general information, not legal advice for your situation.

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Privacy

Privacy policy

Updated October 2026

SJ Law Pty Ltd trading as Florens Family Law (“Florens Family Law”, “we”, “us”, “our”) is committed to protecting your privacy. This policy explains how we collect, use, disclose, store and protect your personal information, and how you can access or correct it.

We are bound by the Australian Privacy Principles (APPs) in the Privacy Act 1988 (Cth). As solicitors, we also owe you duties of confidentiality and protect legal professional privilege. A copy of the APPs is available from the Office of the Australian Information Commissioner at www.oaic.gov.au.

What personal information we collect

Personal information is information or an opinion about an identified individual, or an individual who is reasonably identifiable. Depending on your matter, we may collect:

How we collect it

Where reasonable and practicable, we collect personal information directly from you, in meetings, phone and video calls, emails, forms and through our website.

We may also receive information from others where this is needed for your matter, including the other party or their lawyers, courts, barristers, expert witnesses, family report writers, mediators, financial institutions, government agencies and other professionals you have authorised us to contact. If we receive information about you from someone else, we will take reasonable steps to let you know.

Family law matters often involve information about people who are not our clients. We handle that information with the same care, and only for the purposes of the matter.

Why we collect, use and hold it

If you choose not to provide information we reasonably need, we may not be able to act for you.

We only use sensitive information for the purpose it was provided, for a directly related purpose you would reasonably expect, with your consent, or where required or authorised by law.

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Subject to our professional obligations, we may disclose personal information:

We do not sell personal information.

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Some of our service providers may store information on servers outside Australia. Where that happens, we take reasonable steps to make sure your information is protected in a way consistent with the APPs. Otherwise, we will only send your personal information overseas with your consent, where it is needed for your matter (for example, where there are overseas assets or an international parenting issue), or where required by law.

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We take reasonable steps to protect personal information from misuse, interference, loss and unauthorised access, modification or disclosure. This includes secure electronic systems with access controls and multi-factor authentication, and secure storage of any paper records.

We keep client files for at least seven years after a matter ends, or longer where the law or the nature of the matter requires. After that, we securely destroy or de-identify the information.

If a data breach occurs that is likely to result in serious harm, we will notify you and the Office of the Australian Information Commissioner as required under the Notifiable Data Breaches scheme.

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You can ask to access the personal information we hold about you by contacting us in writing. We may need to confirm your identity first. There is no fee to make a request, but we may charge a reasonable fee for providing copies.

In limited circumstances permitted by the APPs, we may refuse access, for example where it would unreasonably affect another person’s privacy, where the information relates to existing or anticipated legal proceedings, or where giving access would be unlawful. If we refuse, we will explain why in writing.

Questions and complaints

If you have a question or complaint about how we handle your personal information, please contact our Privacy Officer:

Florens Family Law
reception@florens.com.au
1300 739 954

We will aim to respond within 30 days. If you are not satisfied with our response, you can contact the Office of the Australian Information Commissioner on 1300 363 992 or at www.oaic.gov.au.

Changes to this policy

We may update this policy from time to time. The current version is always available on our website.

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